Thursday, July 22, 2010

Part of the Problem

So, I see this little link pop on Facebook: Another Victim Bites the Dust

Well, I just have one thing to say to Mr. Fales about that.  FUCK. YOU. ASSHOLE!

Mr. Fales has probably never in his life felt the deep depression that precedes suicide.  And if he has I think he has quickly forgotten that when someone is in that state there is no rational thought at all.  I have been there many times in my life.  I do not seek help during those times because I'm oblivious to it.  EVEN if the god damn suicide hot-line is staring me in the face!  And I can, as well as the next person, put on a cheery happy face and laugh and have fun while I'm secretly planning my suicide attempt.  It's real, it's irrational and there is no other way of thinking while in that state.   So, people who get on their high horse such as Mr. Fales just adds the problem and drives people who get that way into further despair. 

And one more thing that I think Mr. Fales doesn't understand is that there is, even in this day and age, a massive stigma associated with depression and other mental illnesses.  That is one of the reasons I never sought professional help during my moments of rationality and why I still don't seek it.

I don't know what the hell Mr. Fales thinks he is doing claiming that the vigil has anything to do with politics and creating an enemy, and then that stupid statement he made about it being  "...narcissistic “Look at me, I’m gay!” when he uses the Mormon church and his sexuality as the basis for his bloody career.  Holy shit, that kid really needs a kick in the ass!

UPDATE (26 July 2010):  Words from the organizer of the vigil, Eric Ethington.


  1. I had a very visceral negative reaction to his post too. I know I ranted a bit in my own blog post recently because of the emotions I felt at the news of yet another suicide, but at least I had the sense to EDIT and PAUSE TO THINK before I published it. I won't claim my post is perfect. Far from it. But I tried to express some compassion for Todd and those he left behind.

    The grief and pain of the family and loved ones of a person who takes their own life is extremely hard to bear. No one can fully know what drives a person to take their life. But in the wake of such a tragedy, regardless of its causes, Steven Fales FAILED to step outside his own narcissism and colossal misunderstanding of suicide to consider that it might be too soon to use such vitriolic language (if it's ever appropriate), even if it was heartfelt. He has an audience due to the promotion of his one-man show and other ventures. It was the height of irresponsibility and unspeakably inhumane to use his public platform to spew such venom.

    A suicide in the gay community is a tough thing to grapple with. It stirs up many emotions, especially in people who have been in the depths of despair themselves or who have contemplated suicide. Fales is entitled to his feelings, just like all of us. But he crossed a line. I hope his future posts return to a more thoughtful, compassionate tone. If not, his credibility and his public platform should bite the dust.

  2. I don't want to believe that this guy is for real.


  3. What a dickhead. The only explanation I can come up with--and it doesn't speak well of Mr. Fales--is that, sometimes, we try to control what we fear the most. And if we can't actually control it, we pretend to control it. If he acts like suicide is a "disease of victimization", and it's all the victim's fault...the subtext is pretty clear, here: he's too "strong" to be affected by it.

    Picture Johathan Harker waving his stupid little cross at Dracula. We all have our talismans. Incidentally, the imagery of the cross, as well as the context of Harker's capture (in the original book; the potentially controversial elements were entirely stripped from the film) take on a whole new subtext when you think about the fact that Stoker was gay. He apparently based the character of Dracula, at least in part, on his lifelong on again, off again lover--who was, apparently, judging from the letters they exchanged, one pissy, controlling dude.

    I see Mr. Fales' exposition in a similar light: he's essentially creating a creepy fiction as a way to deal with unresolved feelings of self hatred. Anybody who talks this way about other people just *can't* be a happy dude. It's pathetic, but we should probably all feel sorry for him.

  4. I agree that the Fales post was tonally offensive and uncalled for. I believe one can say almost anything, as long as they say it the right way, and avoid giving offense. I think there may be a couple of good points in the Fales post. (1) We need to be careful how suicide is treated so that suicide does not become a glorious way to go and we end up encouraging more suicides, and (2) Blaming the church (while probably entirely appropriate) can be counterproductive if it does not allow us to move on. If we continually blame the church we continue to give it power in our lives. Clearly something needs to change in the church so that suicide is not a preferred option for people. Fales is an entertainer and shock jock (think Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck), he could have more clearly vocalized his opinions without causing further pain and offense, while potentially improving the situation if he did not cause people to instantly dismiss his arguments through poor timing and painful rhetoric.

  5. @ Mister Curie, I said something similar in my post on the same subject.

  6. I was disgusted and infuriated by this too. He clearly doesn't understand depression or suicide at all, nor does he seem to want to.

  7. @ Craig, quite the opposite, I think. He understands it all too well. If these feelings had no relevance for him, he wouldn't have such a strong emotional reaction to them. QED, he's feeling the same things, and he's frightened by it.

  8. Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I've had some time to think about what I wrote and I'm comfortable with what I said. Although I could have said more, I think that many of your comments have said it for me.

    Clearly, as I feel C.J. was trying to point out, Mr. Fales as some demons he's still working out and this recent suicide triggered them. Whereas I am still dealing with demons of my own in which Mr. Fales's words triggered in me. We're all just one big mess of messed up people with problems and making a mess.

    I have added an update to this post. It's a link to a blog post written by the organizer of the vigil. I felt it important that he got to say his peace seeing as he was also a target of Mr, Fales grotesque insensitivity.

    At this time, I do not regret calling Mr. Fales an asshole. That title is well deserved as far as I'm concerned. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. I know that makes me an asshole too but I already know I'm an asshole, though, I don't think Mr. Fales knows he's an asshole.

  9. Calling a spade a spade doesn't make you an asshole. It makes you both perceptive and truthful. I agree with you, for what it's worth.

  10. Reading that post was heartbreaking and infuriating. Depression isn't a fit of "self-pity", it's a devastating mental illness. To boot, a lifetime of enduring homophobia on top of depression is a recipe for tragedy. Someone needs a dose of empathy!

  11. This comment has been removed by the author.


Copyright (c)2009-2013. All rights reserved.