Lots of discussion going around on Facebook, on blogs, amongst distant friends in distant cites and elsewhere, all talking about all the great people in their lives, all of the wonderful dates they have been on all the wonderful support and sex they have with their dates, partners and spouses.
The envy, the jealousy, is difficult. I do not like being alone, I do not like going months if not more, with no one to touch. And what makes it all worse is that I have no idea when the next chance will come. And for whatever reason, some of those people are drifting away. And some are now starting to avoid me. I respect their rule of not sticking their dick in crazy. I'm sorry I'm crazy. I don't mean to be.
Every status I see, every post I see, every picture I see setting on the desk of a coworker where they are flaunting their heterosexually, every god damn moment my co-worker has to talk about his fucking girlfriend, is a moment I want to die.
I would really like to be happy for them. I would really love to feel the joy and happiness they have. I would love to be able to have it so that I could share it as well. But then, would I share it? Would I do that so that I would be an insufferable prick to someone else who is dealing with profound isolation and loneliness? Would I be so insensitive that I would thoughtlessly share my happiness with others in ways that taunt, and mock them?
I probably would.
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