Saturday, March 12, 2011

The Question of Choice

It took me awhile to become aware of my gay behaviors.  But from day one, they were gay.  Such as, whom I checked out, crushed on, felt emotional, physical, and spiritual attraction too.   They were all gay behaviors.  But I didn't see them as gay. I wasn't aware that I was doing anything different from anyone else for many years until expectations from the church told me otherwise.

But even then, I didn't understand, nor did I think that much about what I was doing vs. what they think I should be doing.  I was only aware that the way I perceived the world seemed to be unique.  I felt different, weird even, or at odds with those around me.   I wasn't attracted to anyone male or female in any sexual way for reasons I thought had to do with the religious demonization of sexual coupling in general.  I later realized that my sexuality was much more complicated than that.  It wasn't about the sex itself. 

So, from that alone, I am confident that my innate sexual orientation is not a choice. And I'm confident that many of the innate behaviors associated with sexual orientation are not consciously chosen.  But Elder Oaks and Wickman would never believe me, nor would they believe anyone of any educated repute on the subject.  For proof, see for more of their mind fuckary on the topic of homosexuality.  Little of it based on reality.  But then, if you believe in the fairytales of that religion, Oaks and Wickman will be fucking with your mind and you won't even know it.  

But there does at some point in life come a choice. And I will grant them that but only so far as they understand the basic definition of the word 'choice' and nothing more. 

The choice comes when acting on it is done consciously.  In that case, it's no one's business what choice I make.  It's my life.  I rule my domain only.  No one has any authority to make that choice for me or even suggest what choice I should be making.  How could anyone know how truly to make a choice for someone else when it comes to how we play out our internal attractions and innate needs and desires?  So, ultimately, the entire argument of choice, whether to be gay or to act on gay feelings, becomes completely irrelevant. 

Let's keep in mind one more thing here, the word 'lifestyle'.  If the religious types want to use the word 'lifestyle' when talking of homosexuality, to reinforce the concept of choice, than they must also accept the term to be used with heterosexuality.   No matter what 'lifestyle' one chooses, a choice to act on one's innate desires has been made either way.   But, why won't those living a heterosexual 'lifestyle' see that they have made a choice?  Because they have never had their choice questioned, ridiculed or demonized.  Those of us in the homosexual 'lifestyle' have. 

So, as a result, we've had an additional choice to make that the heterosexuals do not which is, the choice not to let all of the ridicule, demonization, hatred and bigotry spewed at us every day to stifle our happiness.  So that we may be able to fully accept ourselves. Fully embrace that we are indeed gay and that we have the right to choose that path.  After that, we can then choose to live as we are, openly in a homosexual 'lifestyle'. 

Many heterosexuals don't have a clue what that's like because it has never occurred to them that the heterosexual 'lifestyle' has been shoved down their throats since the day they were born.  Why does that not bother them?   It doesn't bother then because they are not homosexuals.   

UPDATE (Jan 28, 2012): More recent perspective here: The Question of Choice, Again!


  1. The term "lifestyle" has always bugged the shit out of me. Innate sexuality isn't a lifestyle choice. Someone in a group i belong to once asked everyone to write a little about themselves, including religious standing and "lifestyle." It was apparent what he really meant was sexual orientation, or whatever. So, under lifestyle choice i put: GOTH. I hoped that the rest of the group picked up on that. Anyway....

    The choice to not allow other people's ignorance or opinions not stifle your happiness is a huge one. It takes a lot of strength and determination to do that. I admire you so much!


  2. Thanks sandi, and it's also a choice I must make every god damn day. I love GOTH!

  3. I love this post! I would love to share this one with my brothers, who cannot and will not ever understand what its like. I have known my whole life that I am "less than" because I am not what people tell me I am supposed to be. I've prayed and prayed and prayed for God to make me different, change me into what He wanted.

    Making the choice to just be me, and to let others think or feel whatever they were going to feel, is an awful choice to have to make. I've heard other people say, "If the choice is life or death, is there really a choice?"

  4. Thank you, Jen. I hope you can share it.

  5. Hear! Hear! You either love someone or you don't, but neither straight people or gays get to choose whom to love or be attracted to.

    I don't understand why so many people who believe in the Judeo-Christian-Muslim-Mormon god(s) seem so obsessed about other people's sexuality. I don't see that sort of tendency in Buddhists or Hindi, for instance. :oP

    Come to think of it, it really doesn't even require a gaydar to detect me. Most people mistake me for a boy on first or even second sight, then when they hear my voice they'd go 'Oh, it isn't a guy, it's a gay!' So I'm flabbergasted to see my Mormon missionary ladies trying so hard to convert me. Their church would excommunicate me within the year anyhow. It seems a waste of an effort. :oP

  6. Thanks, Smorg, for your thoughts.

    To understand why these religious traditions are so obsessed with sexuality would take being a member of them to really understand in full, but in general, these religions put great importance into gender and sex because that is the basis of the beliefs starting right down to the Adam and Eve story to multiply and replenish the earth. The religion is fundamentally about sexual reproduction. With Mormons, that reproduction continues into the next life with spirit children who will then later go on to have bodies and then do the same thing and on and on.

    To mess with that concept of sexuality is to disrupt the entire plan that is believed to be the purpose of life.


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